Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
