remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
