Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Four minutes until I can fart!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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