My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Come see our sink grown plant.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
