rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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