I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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