I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
