We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
