Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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