girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
