I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
