gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
