so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
