No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
