Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
