Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
