My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
