you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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