I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize