Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
