it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
