When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
