You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
