so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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