idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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