My hand turned me down
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
