So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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