Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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