I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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