If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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