For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
