I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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