omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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