I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he shaved USA in his pubs
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
