I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I deserve this hangover.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
