a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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