chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
