walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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