I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
