I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
