whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
