Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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