my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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