so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
