Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
