I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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