Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
