I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
