he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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