She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
