My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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