Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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