I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
