my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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