3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
