Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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