4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
