when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
