Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
