Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Randomize
