GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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