R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
