id be glad to
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
