You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
