Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
