Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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