when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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