i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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