AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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