I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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