Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
