Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
