i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Drake has all the answers
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
