why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
