i already hear my dad disowning me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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