I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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