I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
