I'm jealous of your bromance
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
