At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize