not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
