she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
