Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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