So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
