everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
