Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
