we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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