Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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