so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
