Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
