can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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