I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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