My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
