You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
