i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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