My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
