is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
