It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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